


The Worthless Hero

by Melancholy_Haze



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Avengers Movies Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, Depression, Gen, My First Work in This Fandom, Poetry-esque prose, Post-Avengers (2012), Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, not canon compliant after that, self hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-01
Updated: 2016-02-29
Packaged: 2017-11-13 08:08:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 4,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/501316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melancholy_Haze/pseuds/Melancholy_Haze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony believes he's worthless. Tony's done living. However, he learns that no matter how you calculate the odds, you always need a backup plan.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Perfectly Planned

He laughs; it’s a dark, bitter, twisted sound that passes his lips. It barely passes for a laugh as it is, there’s no mirth behind it. He takes a long pull from the bottle and it burns more than he remembers.

Sober for almost a year. He can’t even do that. _Worthless._ He tosses back a couple pills on that thought, washing it down with the hot burn of whiskey and shame.

He wonders, briefly, what they’ll do when they find him. If-God, if it’s Pepper who finds him-

No. He reminds himself, he’s planned it out. She’s in Malibu, he’s in New York. It won’t be her.

Perhaps it’ll be Bruce, coming up to ask about his latest experiment. The poor guy would probably Hulk out and-that would be bad. He gets up and manually locks the door, laughing at that. An odd little eccentricity, keeping the bedroom doors out of the loop. He’s glad of it now. They’ll have to break the door down to get to him. Bruce can’t break down doors in his…normal form. He’ll be okay. His friends- _teammates, nothing more,_ he corrects-will be okay.

Everyone will be okay but him.

The public will be devastated. He snorts at that thought. Poor Tony Stark, they’ll say. No idea why he did it, they’ll say. He was a hero! They’ll exclaim. He had so much to live for! They’ll lament.

Others will scorn him, call him a coward.

Tony knows they’re right, in his mind. He’s not hero, he was never a hero. He wishes he could apologize to Yinsen, but there’s no way they’ll end up in the same place. He’ll be up high in the clouds and Tony will burn with the worst of them.

_I’m not a hero_

He throws back the last of the whiskey with a few more pills and breaks the bottle. He might not be a hero, he might be a worthless coward, but he isn’t stupid. He knows his odds. Carefully calculated numbers, to make sure he doesn’t wake up.

He doesn’t know what he would do if he woke up. He isn’t planning to.

He brings the shattered remains down on his arms, slicing easily through the flesh, and lays back.

_Coward_

_Disappointment_

_Worthless_

He doesn’t cry

much.

His world goes dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first work in the Avengers fandom, and my first work to publish on AO3! It just kind of grabbed onto me and wouldn't let me go til I wrote it. I honestly don't know where it came from.
> 
> (That's a lie. It came from my own life.)
> 
> Also, just to help you get a frame of reference, this is post Avengers, pre phase two movies (no IM3, Thor 2, or Cap 2).


	2. The Best Laid Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony realizes he has friends. Tony realizes he hurt his friends.  
> Clint visits.

He wakes up.

_Fuck._

_I didn’t plan for this._

He glances around sullenly at his surroundings. White, bland, soul-sucking. Probably SHIELD. He sighs, nearly every emotion he’s ever known manifesting in that one exhalation.

He studies his surroundings. Barren of absolutely anything that they could possibly think he might use to try again, barring the medical equipment needed. Not that it mattered, they had him strapped down so well he thought it may have been designed for the Hulk. 

He pulled at the restraints until his wrists were raw.

 _Bruce would’ve been out by now_. He wondered what his friend thought.

Teammate

 _Coworker_.

_**Fuck**  it. He’s my friend._

At that admission Tony realized what an idiot he was.

He stops struggling, and lays back, defeated.

~

His first visitor, his first honest to god visitor (not fucking Fury. He doesn’t count.

Tony doesn’t like him very much. Didn’t already, but now he hates the man.)

comes in his second day, and is definitely NOT who he was expecting.

Honestly, he didn’t know who he was expecting but it definitely wasn’t Hawkeye.

It wasn’t Clint Barton who literally perched on a chair, casually eating one of Tony’s favorite flavored donuts and not offering him even a bite, while rambling on about shit that doesn’t concern either of them.

Kardashians? _Really?_

Tony would have clawed his eyes out by now if he wasn’t restrained.

Fucking Hawkeye.

About fifteen minutes into the mindless chatter (ten after the donut is gone), he starts to say the meaningful things. Tony begins to listen again.

“Cap found you, by the way. He called for JARVIS, and when he didn’t respond he went to find you. I mean, you know how much Cap loves Jarv, so how did you think he wouldn’t notice? The way he ripped the door down, man that was impressive as hell. You don’t have a doorframe anymore, but I think house damage is the least you deserve. He screamed so loud we thought you punched him in the supernads while suited up. Then he reverted full soldier, no emotions.”

Tony absorbs the information, not showing anything to the Hawk but internally screaming with the news.

_He’s so much better than you_

_And you hurt him so much._

_You’re a horrible person_

He notices anyways, cocking his head at Tony.

“They told me not to tell you, but I’ve got a bug jammer so they can’t actually hear anything. I thought you should know what happened.” He pauses, as if he expects Tony to respond despite the fact he hasn’t uttered a word.

He nods his assent. Clint continues.

“While Cap’s carnage was impressive, Bruce’s lack of it was even more impressive. Cap comes running out with you in his arms, and Bruce immediately Hulked. Instead of hitting things, the Hulk starts sobbing.”

“You’re shitting me.” Tony can’t help himself. They’re the first words he’s said since he woke up. His voice is hoarse, and full of disbelief.

_Even an honest to God monster is better than you are._

“I swear to God. If the security cams still go when JARVIS is offline, you can see it yourself. I’m sure Tash has a vid bug in the living room anyways, so it’s probably in existence somewhere. Anyways, Hulk is sitting on the floor and just bawling, and then he snaps back into Bruce violently. He didn’t explain until later but he said he actually fought off the Hulk, something he’s never been able to do before, because he knew you needed help or you’d die and the Hulk isn’t particularly helpful.”

He just blinks at Clint.

_You don’t deserve them._

“The Hulk cried for you, man.”

A slight twitch ran over his face, the only emotion he shows (it was involuntary).

“Well, anyways, between him, me, Cap, and Tash we managed to hold back the bleeding, get the medical professionals to help you, and check your room out to see what you’d done.”

Clint stands to leave. 

“Everyone’s fucking pissed, man.”

  _You don’t deserve them._

 _“_ But we’re all so glad you’re okay.” He admits softly, then turns heel and walks out quickly.

Tony’s whole face falls.

He thrashes violently against the restraints just to hurt himself.

_Coward_

_Disappointment_

_Worthless_

He cries in anger.

They sedate him.


	3. Reflections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper visits. Tony sees Bruce.  
> It takes a lot to be able to sleep.

Pepper visits.

She cries, he doesn’t.

He responds just enough to calm her down, but not enough to make her feel better.

Not for lack of trying, he just doesn’t

_Inhuman_

She doesn’t stay long.

After she’s gone, he lays there, in his stupid restraints, alone.

_You hurt everyone_

_They would have been happier if you had just died_

The doctors come in and try to talk to him. Either he doesn’t respond or he yells at them.

They let him be.

~

There are windows in his room.

Kind of.

One way glass. They see him, he doesn’t see them.

This is SHIELD, after all. 

Paranoid assholes.

They don’t know it, but he can see through them.

Not well, mind you, but just enough.

Once he looks through the window and realizes

with a startle

that it’s Bruce’s favorite shade of yellow peeking through the door. 

He looks right to where Bruce’s face should be.

He can make out the faint outline of glasses, and curly brown hair.

His mouth opens to speak.

He closes it.

He looks Bruce right where his eyes should be.

The figure in the mirror shudders and turns away.

_You hurt him._

_You bastard._

_Bruce never did anything to you._

“Bruce, I-” He looks shocked.

He didn’t mean to talk.

The rough words hang in the air.

Tony sees a hand press against the glass.

He reaches weakly for his friend, stopped by the restraints.

_You don’t deserve him._

_All you do is hurt him_

_You disgusting, worthless bastard._

His hand drops abruptly.

Bruce turns away again, and walks away.

He is alone again.

A social worker chooses that moment to walk in.

Tony screams and screams until they put him under again.

It’s the only way he gets any sleep.


	4. Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thor visits. Many tears are shed.  
> Words are thrown around, words like "progress".

Tony is roused from an unfulfilling slumber by the muffled sound of shouting.

"Sir! Sir please! You can't go in there! He's asleep and emotionally unstable!"

An unknown voice shouts.

The reply make a smile come

unbidden

to Tony's lips.

"Mortals, you shall make way for I have been refused access to my good friend for far too long!"

The door blasts off its hinges, making Tony wince.

"Apologies, good friend. I did not mean to fright you."

Orderlies rush in after him.

"Sir, please exit the room!" They cry.

"You need to leave Mr. Stark be!" They cry.

Fury himself pounces in the room.

"Thor!" He says calmly. "It's time to go."

_No!_

_"No!"_

Everyone in the room turns to Tony in shock.

_Oops._

_Too late to back down now._

He pauses for a moment

"Stay." He croaks.

He thinks for a moment.

"Just Thor."

With a grumble, Fury stalks out of the room.

The three orderlies talk in hushed tones, throwing around terms like

"positive reaction"

"selective mutism"

and "progress"

They leave.

Thor sobers.

"Friend Stark, I was very disappointed when I arrived here from Asgard to be told you had made an attempt on your own life. I fail to understand why you felt the situation dire enough to warrant this! You have many who truly care for you; I myself am among the lot."

_Even Thor_

_You managed to hurt even Thor_

_The most cheerful motherfucker._

_You bastard!_

"The great Captain Rogers, whilst you two often fight, cares for you deeply. The bond between you and the good man Bruce Banner is an astounding bond of true friendship."

With each name, Tony winces

he tries to keep it internal

but he is unsuccessful.

If Thor notices,

he ignores it.

"The lady Natasha is greatly distressed that you felt driven to this, as she is always, while quite formidably, 'There for you'. I have not seen the man with the eyes of a hawk since I arrived, but I was informed that he is so moved by your plight he hides in the rafters and only comes out when absolutely needed, which he does not deem to be often."

_Look at what you've done._

_You hurt them_

_You hurt them all so much._

Tony screams inside

but keeps a mask of calm on his face.

Thor walks right to Tony's side and-

with a gentleness not many attribute to Thor

-takes Tony's hand in his much larger.

"My friend" He says

softly for him.

"I am...so sorry." He chokes out.

Tony is confused.

"I feel as if I have have failed you, my friend."

_You failed him, not the other way around._

"Perhaps if I had been a better friend, you wouldn't have-"

His voice breaks, and a tear falls

wet and hot on Tony's arm.

Tony shudders involuntarily. Thor's hands tighten around Tony's.

"I am so sorry my friend."

Thor chokes out the words, fighting back tears.

Tony's hand clutches at Thor's tightly.

_YOU DID THIS!!_

Tony shrieks "No no no!"

Thor startles.

"It's not your fault!" His voice wavers from lack of use and the power of his emotions.

"Don't you blame yourself

Don't you DARE!" He practically roars. He fights against the restraint, wanting to grab his friend.

Thor notices and releases the restraints just as a nurse comes flying into the room.

She sees Tony spring from the bed to wrap his arms around his friend's shoulders and bury his face against his neck.

"This isn't your fault!" He sobs against Thor.

Thor holds him close and cries with him.

"This isn't your fault!

It's mine! I'm so sorry I hurt you

I hurt all of you

I'm a horrible person.

Please-" His voice breaks, and his rant devolves into sobs.

Tony cries until he falls asleep against Thor's shoulder. The nurse tries to help him lay Tony back on the bed

and he snaps at her

then places his friend gently back on the bed.

Thor sits with him all night, holding his hand.

Even in unconsciousness

Tony doesn't let go.


	5. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Later on in the same day that Thor visits, Tony finally speaks to Bruce.  
> He's so, so sorry.

When Tony wakes up, Thor hasn't left.

Tony's hand is still laced with Thor's.

Thor is sprawled back in the chair

looking far too big for the poor thing

completely unconscious

but still holding on.

Tony smiles

without meaning to.

His lips crack

unused to the  gesture.

He runs his tongue over them as he contemplates his next move.

_You've shown your hand, Stark._

_Now they know you care_

_they're going to make you talk about your **feelings**._

As annoying of a thought that is

Tony cannot bring himself to regret what happened

not because he showed his weakness

_fucking disgusting display of weakness_

_worthless, emotional piece of shit_

but because it had made Thor 

well, not happy

but less upset.

Tony realizes

and startled violently at the realization

that he and Thor aren't alone. 

Bruce is standing next to the closed door

leaning lightly against the wall

staring at Tony

who shudders at the scrutiny. After a moment of eye contact, Bruce says,

"Should I go?"

He speaks softly,

yet the silence shatters painfully.

Tony says nothing, processing.

Bruce takes it as a yes, and turns to leave.

_No!_

"No!"

Again, Tony is surprised

by the sound of his own voice.

_I have GOT to stop doing that._

Bruce stops in his tracks.

Thor stirs slightly, but doesn't wake.

"Bruce..."

Tony croaks,

voice raw from crying to Thor. Bruce looks at him

expectantly, but not in a way that would make Tony

nervous. In a calm and friendly way that almost sets Tony

at ease.

"I..."

Tony struggles with the words

trying to find the right thing to say.

"I'm...so sorry." 

He whispers

in a rush.

Bruce responds with a small

soul crushingly sad smile.

There's a long moment of pause,

then he responds.

"It's okay, Tony."

And that's not what Tony expected at all.

_What?!_

_Is he forgiving you?_

_After what you did to him?_

_You fucking unworthy son of a bitch_

_how did you get a friend like him?_

"I've been there.

I understand."

Tony scrubs his other hand

(thankfully they didn't re-restrain him)

across his eyes

in emotional exhaustion

and in shame. He feels tears

stinging in his eyes, fighting to fall.

He doesn't think he could speak without sobbing.

_You don't deserve him._

With a shuddering breath,

he releases the scrap of dignity he was holding on to

and holds his hand out

silently asking Bruce to come to his side.

Bruce obeys, crossing the room swiftly. 

He doesn't, however, immediately take Tony's hand. He rests his hands on the side of Tony's bed and looks down at him, an expression of sadness

but also some hope

filling his eyes.

Unable to stop them, a few tears trickle from Tony's eyes.

He scrunches up his face in an attempt to stop the tears.

"I'm

so

sorry"

He chokes out to Bruce.

Bruce leans over and wipes a few of his friend's tears from his face. Tony

unconsciously for the most part

leans into his touch. Bruce rests his hand on the side of Tony's face. Tony tentatively takes Bruce's other hand in his own.

"I know." Bruce says softly.

"Me too." He adds, very quietly.

For the second time

in the same day

Tony cries as he is comforted by his friend.

No one come to bother them this time

except Thor, but Thor doesn't count because Thor isn't 'bothering' them.

Thor somehow sweeps both of them into a huge hug

and holds them there for an incredibly long time.

And finally, Tony feels 

loved 

and maybe even a little 

worthwhile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy christmas, if you celebrate it! This is nice and sad for Christmas, but with some hope!  
> Happy holidays everyone!


	6. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha visits.  
> She really isn't as stoic as everyone thinks she is.

Days later, Bruce is down in the hospital cafeteria getting food

and Thor had been called back to Asgard on urgent business

so Tony was alone, sitting up in his SHIELD hospital bed, working through an equation for Bruce on a StarkPad.

He hears a soft thump in front of his bed and looks up to see Natasha standing at the foot of it. Glancing up he sees she snuck in through the vents.

"Didn't want to deal with security?" He quips softly, trying to maintain a facade that's fallen long ago. She ignores it and strides to his side, sitting gracefully on the bed without asking his permission.

She doesn't look at him.

He scrutinizes her for a moment, trying to read her carefully blank expression.

Living together as long as they have, he can see that she's incredibly upset and has been crying.

_You've even cracked the stoic Black Widow._

_What the fuck is wrong with you?_

They sit in silence, him staring at her and her staring at the wall, her hands clenched tightly to each other, for long minutes.

_They all care so much about you_

_why do they care about you?_

_You're nothing but a broken shell of a hero_

Tony loses himself in these thoughts in the silence, until a pressure on his wrist startles him back to reality.

Natasha has put a small hand on his, and is looking at him with an intense look.

"Don't do that." She says softly. "I know that place, Tony.

Don't go there. Stay with us.

Stay with me." She says this carefully, making sure her voice doesn't break.

Hesitantly

Tony turns his hand so that it's holding hers.

He considers a dumb joke, his defense mechanisms trying to slide back into place.

_She deserves better than the Tony Stark you pretend to be._

_She certainly deserves far better than the Tony Stark you are._

_But it's all I have._

"All right." He finally murmurs,

"I'm here."

She lifts their joined hands and presses a small kiss to the back of his hand

and another to the bandages on his wrist.

He looks away and uses his free hand to scrub at his eyes,

sick of crying in front of his friends.

She turns more towards him and takes his other hand,

forcing him to allow the tears.

He looks to her and sees her silent tears

and the smallest broken smile

and chokes back a sob.

She presses her forehead against his,

uncharacteristically gentle.

"Stay here, Tony.

Let us help."

He squeezes her hands tightly in his

as more tears fall, unbidden,

from both of their eyes.

They cry in silence together,

never letting go,

and it gives Tony

hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while, hello! I stopped writing because I didn't know what things like "hope" or "recovery" felt like, so I couldn't write them. I now have an inkling of what those things can be, so I'm going to try to write them for Tony.  
> 


	7. What He Deserves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coulson visits. Or does he?  
> And yet again, Steve saves the day.

Tony looked around, blinking in confusion.

_What the fuck did you do this time?_

All around him, all he could see

was thick grey fog,

with no memory of how he'd gotten there.

"Crap." He sighed.

_Fuck this superhero shit_

_why does this always happen to me?_

A figure began emerging from the mist

Tony tried to move towards it

but found he couldn't move.

As the person got closer, he could make out a few details

like a well pressed suit

and a receding hairline

and-

"Agent?" 

Tony breathed, realizing who it was.

Coulson, as it was in fact him, approached Tony

his face blank of anything.

"They..told me- Coulson, I thought you were dead!

What happe-"

**CRACK**

He was interrupted by Coulson smacking him hard across the face.

"How  _dare_  you!" He shouted,

his normally calm face twisting into an expression of fury.

"I would do anything to be alive! _  
_

And what do you do with the one thing I want the most?

What do you do with your life?

You throw it away?!

 _YOU DISGUST ME!_ "

He roared, Tony wincing with each passing sentence.

"Agent-Coulson- _Phil please_  I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I wouldn't do it if I could go back, I would save you, I would do everything better Phil please I'm sorry!"

**CRACK**

The sound of the slap echoed around them.

"Coulson, stop it!" Tony yelled.

" _Never!"_

He began beating Tony, throwing wild punches and kicks at him. 

Tony didn't fight back

he couldn't fight back.

_Not when Coulson was right._

_"You worthless piece of shit_

_you think you're hot shit_

_but then you throw away something that's so precious to other people without a second thought!_

_You don't deserve to live,_

_give your life to someone who should have it_

_and hurry up and die already!_ "

Tony threw up his arms, trying to protect himself from the blows raining down upon him. All he could do in response was scream and cry, incapable of becoming coherent enough in his words to get Coulson to see reason. 

Tony opened his eyes to find Steve's face directly in front of his,

holding Tony by the arms and shaking him.

"C-cap?" Tony stuttered out, disoriented. Steve immediately released him and stepped back a respectable distance.

"Sorry, I came to visit and you were screaming in your sleep,

I thought I could wake you up." 

Tony sighed, and wiped his forehead.

_Just a dream._

_A truthful dream, but just a dream._

_Thank god._

"Thanks, Cap." He said, then yawned.

"I-if you wanted, I could stay while you rest up. Wake you up if you start having a nightmare again.

Or I could go and let you sleep. Whatever you want, Stark."

Steve was tense, nervous, and holding himself stiffly. 

The tiniest smile worked it's way onto Tony's face;

it made Steve relax marginally.

"I'd appreciate that, Cap. 

If you've got nothing better to do, that is."

Steve smiled slightly, his face soft.

"I can't think of anything better to do with my time."

_You don't deserve him._

Tony mentally batted the thought away.

_Try as you might to forget it_

_but you're nothing._

Tony sighed as he laid down, doing his best to ignore himself.

"G'night, Stark." Steve said quietly.

"Thank you, Steve."

If he was surprised that Tony used his first name, he didn't let it show in anything but a small smile.

_Maybe I don't deserve any of them,_

_but if they're here, I'm gonna take them anyways._

He slept soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to tear-stained-mirrors for giving me the idea to have Coulson appear in his dreams! Although, I doubt this is quite what you have in mind. ^_^
> 
> Uhm...hi! So, I was uninspired for a while and then college happened and I forgot about this for a while, but I just got on and read the reviews again and hammered out a chapter real fast. I never really proofread these, so if there are errors I apologize. I'll try not to go almost a year on this, if I update it again. I hesitate to call this a closed story, since I can always add to it, but I don't want to write anything outside of Tony's interactions with his teammates, so no recovery with therapists or anything.
> 
> Also I don't like the title of this chapter so if you can think of something better feel free to drop me a line and suggest it!


	8. Without Pain, There is No Pleasure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nightmares are hard. Steve is kind.  
> Tony is starting to realize that he is really, truly loved.

Tony jolts awake with a gasp

clutching at the arc reactor

eyes wide and glazed as he hyperventilates.

Steve gets up from the chair, moving

slowly

deliberately

because he knows nightmares all too well.

All Tony sees is the black void

alien creatures

an explosion

and

falling

and

hoping.

_If the missile or the portal don’t kill you_

_maybe the impact will._

_Good riddance._

_But you failed._

He digs his nails into his arms

gasping for air

eyes screwed shut.

“Tony”

Steve says his name

firm and yet gentle.

Tony looks up at him, eyes unfocused.

Nurses run into the room, telling him to step back.

“No, I’ve got him.” Steve snaps at them, slowly holding his hand out to Tony.

“Tony, it’s Steve. Whatever you dreamt,

wherever you think you are,

you’re not there, Tony. You’re here with me.”

Recognition glints through the terrified look on Tony’s face, but his fingers dig in further

and his eyes go glassy again.

_You finally lay down on the wire to let them live_

_and you didn’t even have the courtesy to die in that portal._

“Tony,” Steve says again, snapping him back into the hospital room

Steve puts his hand gently on one of Tony’s,

“please let go of your arms.

You’re okay,

you’re safe here.”

Tony’s hands twitch, releasing a fraction.

“There you go, just a little more.” Steve encourages, but Tony shakes his head violently.

“Can’t.” He forces through his gritted teeth. Steve’s hand moves,

gently rubbing Tony’s, trying to sooth him.

“Captain, please-” one of the nurses starts, but Steve brusquely holds up his other hand to silence him. He lowers himself slowly onto the bed to sit next to Tony.

“It’s okay, Tony. You’re here

with me, you’re safe.

I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

_You don’t deserve him_

_find a new hellhole to crawl into and_

_die._

Tony sucks in a deep, shuddering breath,

shaking his head in an attempt to shake the thought.

His hands release jerkily,

and he viciously rubs at his face and hair

until Steve reaches out and softly takes his hands,

far more gentle than someone of his size would seem to be able to.

“You’re safe here.”

Tony blinks quickly, trying to quell the tears forming in his eyes. Steve squeezes his hands, and he returns it weakly. A small smile

forms on Steve’s face.

“There we go, you’re coming back. Deep breaths, okay?”

Tony nods, taking shaky, deep breaths

in time with Steve’s steady ones.

_You are just absolutely pathetic._

Tony’s hands tighten instinctively, the mental blow making his whole body flinch as if he’d been hit.

“Hey, hey, stay here.

Look at me, Tony.”

After a hesitation, Tony looks into Steve’s eyes.

_Look at what a good, earnest person he is._

_Hanging around with a piece of shit like you._

_You don’t deserve him._

Tony’s whole body goes tense.

Steve pulls Tony slowly into him, giving him time to pull away.

Instead Tony buries himself into the larger man as best he can,

shuddering breaths giving away that he was on the verge of sobs.

Ignoring the wetness of his shoulder, Steve began rubbing soothing circles on Tony’s back with one hand while holding him close with the other.

“It’s okay, Tony. I’m here,

you’re safe,

I won’t let anything or anyone hurt you ever again.”

Tony clutches at him, hard enough to bruise a normal person,

losing the fight against his tears.

“You can let it out, Tony.

I’m here for you.

I'll protect you.”

And with that, Tony cries.

He’s never felt

so safe

and loved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! I kind of forgot about this because I switched emails and wasn't getting AO3 emails. When I switched my email on the site, I was surprised by the amount of hits/kudos/comments this still gets. I decided everyone who's loved this deserved another chapter <3  
> If I have time, I'll like do a Pepper, maaaaaybe a Rhodey (I don't feel like I have ANY grasp on his character though), and a coming home chapter. No promises though, I don't want to get people's hopes up.  
> Sorry for being that kind of a fic writer xP


	9. Homecoming

The elevator door slides open

and Tony can’t help but laugh.

Everywhere he can see is covered in tacky decorations that read

“Welcome home, Tony!” 

Everyone important is there,

Clint, Thor, Bruce, Natasha, Rhodey;

and he’s flanked by Steve and Pepper,

each holding a hand of his 

that trembles only

slightly.

Everyone is holding up glasses

sparkling cider, he notes

from the bottles on the table

and they all yell their greetings as he enters 

after a gentle squeeze from Steve.

“Dibs!” Rhodey yells, hopping over the coffee table and rushing to Tony,

sweeping him into a huge embrace.

“I missed you too, Honeybear”

Tony jokes, holding tightly to his friend.

“Don’t you ever pull this shit on me again, Tones”

“Seconded!” Clint calls to them,

garnering a laugh from the men.

After a long moment they pull apart

and everyone else descends, 

wrapping Tony in a huge group hug.

_ You don’t deserve th- _

Somehow seeing the internal monologue,

everyone presses even closer,

telling him how much they missed him 

and talking over each other.

“All right, all right, enough with the sap”

Tony says, smiling

since he doesn’t mind it at all

“I need something delicious

please tell me you guys have something delicious

since SHIELD food is the worst thing they’ve ever done 

and that’s saying something.”

Everyone laughs, breaking apart.

“I thought you’d say that,” Pepper says,

as Bruce goes into the kitchen

“so I made sure we got your favorites”

She kisses his cheek,

and if he blushes, he’d never admit it.

“Oh, sweet baby Jesus,” Tony exclaims, 

seeing Bruce reenter with a very, very large box of doughnuts.

“Hawkass, you’re watching me eat every 

single

goddamn

doughnut

and you’re gonna like it!”

Laughter filled the room again.

It seemed like everyone was jockeying for position

trying to be the closest to Tony

to be in contact with him

almost as if they didn’t believe he was back.

He realizes with a start

_ just _ how foolish he’d been.

Steve bumps his shoulder gently

“you okay?” He asks, earnestly.

Tony grins.

“Never been better.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay! This is it! I wanted to make a happy conclusion because I want everything to end up okay in everyone's lives. Especially you, readers. Every comment, every kudos, they give me so much joy. Just knowing there are people who've read this thing I wrote is an incredible idea to me. Thank you so much for reading this.  
> And remember, no matter how bad you're feeling, there's always help. There's always someone who cares, even if, like Tony, you don't realize it yet.


End file.
